One Last Wish
by ThePerksOfBeingADyke
Summary: Tom grants Sam's last wish. (Oneshot, Warning, Quiet Sad! Please Review)


They say when your about to die your whole life flashes above your eyes and that's something I can say is true, I watched my whole life flash before my eyes as I knew I was on deaths door and there was nothing I could do about it, I hate that my life has been tragically cut short I never thought I would be dead before I even reached thirty but I suppose that's the way it goes. Even know I knew that I was on deaths door I never really quiet pictured it ending like this, I look to my side and I see Tom. He has been amazing every step of the way holding my hand, as I got weaker and weaker and the infections just kept on coming. But he never left my side despite all the chances he had to run but he never took them, he was up in the middle of the night with me holding me close to him as my body gave up bit by bit the tidy odd I had of strength.

I knew that he had struggled with my chose but you know what? I didn't want to die in pain. I didn't want that I wanted control of my own death. I knew that Tom had struggled with my final wish, it caused many arguments between us but in the end he agreed to stand by me and to help me because I didnt want to die in pain. Tom was going to help me to take my own life. I know that some people would rather let natures run it's course but that's not me, they don't have the condition that I do.

I want to end my life the way that I want to and with that Tom has agreed to help me. I know the time is getting nearer and I know he has spent the last forty minutes preparing the cocktail of drugs that are going to end my life the way that I want to. I have had the most amazing eight years with Tom, he has been my utter rock through it all and even when the doctors said there was nothing more they could do for me Tom never left. He had his chance to leave and he never did. And to me that just shows how much I know he loves me. I remember the time I told him that I wanted control on how I would die, that my choice was to take my own life, I didn't want to spend my last days in a hospital bed. I wanted to spend my last days with Tom, with him by my side. Tom agreed that he wanted that to, I wanted to die in his arms and that's what I was getting, I was laid out on our bed. He had made the bed as comfortable as possible and I can see the glass of the drugs that are going to kill me. I have spent as long as I possibly can fighting to stay alive but now I am exhausted. 'I love you Tom' I tell him, I've been saying that so recently but I want him to know that i love him, I will always love him. 'I know you do, I love you too, tell me when your ready, when the times ready' he said and I nodded, he sits down beside me and opens his arms I place my head into his chest, breathing in his aftershave for the very last time, I will die with his scent in my brain that was for sure before I leant up using the last bit of my strength and I place a kiss to his lips, he kisses me back, I will always remember the way his lips feel on mine, but this kiss isn't any normal kiss, this kiss is goodbye, I pull away as I struggle for the last remainder of breathe, he looks at me 'do you think it's time?' He asks and I nod. 'I'm sorry for leaving you like this' I tell him 'you have nothing to be sorry for' he tells me. I nod. He picks up the glass of the cocktail of drugs.

'This will take a few minutes to work and you will be gone, taken by the angels' I nod. I know how hard this is for him but he understands my choice. He places a straw into the glass as I had been doing that a lot lately drinking through straws. I slip my hand into his 'Tom I'm ready' I tell him, he nods simply 'I love you, goodbye Tom' I tell him 'I love you too Sam. Always' he said as he kissed my forehead. And I take my sips of the cocktail of drugs.

My eyes are becoming heavy now and I know that I'm close 'I love you' I tell him. 'I love you too Sam now go, let the angels take you' he whispers in my ear and my eyes close. I die in the arms of the man that I love.. I don't know how long it has been since I have passed but I'm surrounded by darkness, is this it? I thought to myself, I know that Tom is probably cradling me in his arms but I wouldn't know because I'm not there anymore and I can't cradle him back but I will always look over him, I will never truly leave him, I hope in time that he does move on and finds someone that will love him just as much as I always did and always will, I hope she treats him well and gives him the things I never could, a family, I love you Thomas Jacob Kent and I will always be here waiting for you, no matter how long I will always be here waiting for you. I love you, I will always be looking over him because he is and always will be my Prince Charming,

**(Tom's POV)**

It had been just over an hour, I lie there still holding Sam close to me. She's still warm and I know it will be another hour or so before she starts going cold. I kiss her forehead one last time knowing that I will never get to do that again, I suppose I had better start the calls. The funeral. But even know I knew it had to be done. I just didn't feel up to it not right now anyway. In Sam's last few months she had arranged her funeral. Planned it almost like a woman plans her wedding day. Its sad really to think that Sam will never be able to do that, she will never be able to walk down the aisle.

Or have children. We had so many plans, so, so many. But now all that has been taken away. I cursed the world for taking her away, what did Sam do that was so wrong she had to be punished in this way? I slip out of her grasp that she has over me. I suppose I better start the calls, I rang Fletch first. Knowing that Sam wanted him to be the first one to know as they were near enough family, almost like brother and sister. That was something I had witnessed. I rang Fletch and it took about maybe two rings before he answered.

'She's gone hasn't she?' he said, I didn't even have to say the words I guess Sam had told him that when she was gone the first person I would ring would be Fletch, so he knew that she was gone. 'She has mate, she's gone' I reply knowing that this is just as hard for the both of us. After ringing Fletch I had to ring my solicitor to start the legal process, these next few weeks and months are going to be hard. I'm not going to be able to properly grieve for the woman I love until the legal side of Sam's death has been resolved. We had fought for months, Sam had fought so hard to get me permission for me to assist her in dying. She didn't want me to face some legal cases for simply helping her to die. Even know her doctor refused to do what I had to do, Sam was still pretty insist on how she wanted to die and I did what her doctor refused to do.

But here I am ringing my solicitor and my legal team because I know this will go on for a while. Before I ring to inform Zoe and other colleagues about Sam's death the worst reaction came from Robyn I didn't know they were close. But I guess I was caught up with my own time with Sam that I didn't even realise. Zoe had said that she'll call around soon enough to assist me in ringing Sam's family to inform them of her death. That was going to be the hardest thing even know I have had lots of practice breaking bad news it never got any easier and its twice as hard as it's the one you love that's been taken away. I think the first few hours since Sam's death passed by like a blur and she had been taken away, down to the morgue, that was the worst thing seeing her covered up like that.

That made it all the more real, I let a few tears slip down my cheeks as I watched the van with Sam in the back drive down to the morgue, it was then I had to accept that the woman I love. Was gone. After Sam had been driven away, Zoe turned up locking her car as she did so. It was a rare moment but Zoe pulled me into a hug, and patted my back reassuring me that it was okay, yet I didn't even feel it. I let her walk into the flat first and I followed closing the door behind her.

'Sam left something for everyone' I tell her. Showing her the box of hand written letters that Sam had written despite being in lots of pain. 'Tom you don't have to do this now,' she said. 'I do, I have to do everything by the book. She wanted it to be this way and that's what I'm doing,' I tell her and she nods. Before she opens the box and pulls out the letters that Sam had written. I notice there's one for me. One for Fletch, Jeff, Dixie, Zoe, Robyn and Rita. 'Do you want to read yours now?' she asked me I shook my head. I will read it, in time when I'm allowed to grieve for the woman that I love, 'I'll read it when the times right' I tell her and she nods, she pockets the letter addressed to her. 'I think we should all read them together, I think Sam will prefer that' she said and I have to agree. Zoe soon leaves shortly later and I'm left alone with my thoughts. With nothing but reminders of Sam everywhere I look. This isn't going to be an easy process but I know it will be worth in time and Sam will be able to rest in peace.

A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts, who is this? I thought I wasn't expecting anyone and I knew it wouldn't be Fletch as he said he would be around when his shifts over. I head to the door and not all expect who's stood behind the door and I open it.

'What the hell are you doing here' I ask. I can't control my anger how dare he turn up at my doorstep. 'I heard that, that Sam's dead. Please tell me it's not true' Iain said. 'What's it got to do with you anyway' I snap. 'I care about her too Tom' Iain replied 'You cared that much that you nearly destroyed our relationship. How dare you turn up at my doorstep! Sam's gone. You're too late' I tell him.

'No, she. She can't be...' he said 'She is, nearly an hour ago. She's been taken to the morgue' I reply. 'How? I thought she had a few days left.' He said. 'She wanted to die Iain. She wanted to die in her way' I reply. 'No, no you didn't. You did didn't you. You let her die!' he said 'Its what she wanted Iain' I reply 'No, she wouldn't have wanted that, she wouldn't not the Sam that I knew.' He said hotly. 'That Sam that you knew was the Sam in Camp bastion. The Sam I knew changed and grew up' I reply hotly.

'How could you let her do that?' Iain said.' it's what she wanted Iain, and I gave her that' I reply. 'No, she had a few days left I would never have let her do that' he replied. 'Do you think that I wanted to? Do you honestly think that I wanted her to die the way she did? No I didn't of course I didn't. But it's what she wanted. It was her final wish. And I had to give it her. She didn't want to die in pain. Seeing her in pain was heartbreaking enough as it was' I tell him. I was never really that fond of Iain anyway, but as I look at him in front of me. He completely broke down in tears. I was surprised to find that I felt sympathy for him. I guess he really did care for her. Just as much as I did. 'Did she say anything about me before she She...' he asked and I shook my head. He didn't have a right to know the final moments between me and Sam. That was between me and her always. 'Your more than welcome to attend her funeral' I tell him, even know we didn't see eye to eye, he had every right to say goodbye just as I did.' Thank you Tom, thank you' he said and I nodded. Who knows Sam's death might actually make us become friends?

**-**_**Two Weeks Later, Sam's Funeral –**_

'We are here today to remember the life of Samantha Nicholls. Her life was cut short, she will be sadly missed by all those that knew her and loved her dearly, and she was a colleague, a friend, partner to Thomas. A bright doctor that was loved by many, she was a loyal solider who had served in Afghanistan along with good friend Iain.' The vicar said and I look to my side and I see Iain and he nodded once at me, he's grateful for the fact that I included him in the vicar's speech.

The funeral came to an end nearly an hour ago and I was the only one who wasn't headed for the wake even know I know that everyone else would be there. But I chose to hang back.

'Sam, I hope I did everything right with your send off and I hope you noticed that me and Iain seemed to have formed some sort of friendship I know that will be bizarre to you as it is for me. But know I have only done that for you, now what I'm trying to say is, I won't be stopping in Holby not without you so I have chosen to go travelling I know that may be a shock to you, but know you will always be in my thoughts wherever I go, and I will always be back to see you on your anniversary so don't worry about that. But you need to rest. I love you always. Yours always Tom' I tell her before I place a rose on her grave.

I head towards the wake, I enter the pub and I notice everyone is celebrating Sam's memory with this I cannot help but smile. 'There you are Tom we've been worried about you, we were going to send out a search party' Zoe said. 'here have a drink' Fletch said. No thanks, I'm not stopping' I tell them. They all look surprised at me. 'I came here to tell you all that I'm going to be leaving, I am going to go travelling I need time to sort my head out' I tell the crowd. 'Tom you can't just get up and leave what about a resignation' Zoe said 'you will find it on your desk tomorrow morning' I tell her. 'Now I know you've all got letters written to you by Sam and I want you to enjoy reading them if they make you cry let it, because those are Sam's final words' I tell them. I look at Iain and he looks hurt. I guess I never mentioned the letters before now.

Iain was the only one who Sam hadn't left one for. And for that I felt bad for him. 'Tom where are you going?' Robyn asked. 'I was thinking America and see where I go from there.' I reply. 'I'm going to miss you' she said. 'I'll miss you too.' I reply. After saying all my goodbyes. I leave my last one for Zoe.

'Tom you don't have to do this' she told me

'I do, Zoe I do' I reply and once again she hugged me.

'Holby's going to miss you' she said.

'I'm sure you can manage without me' I reply as I hugged her again.

Before I leave the pub and Holby behind altogether.

I jump into a local taxi and tell him my address as I would like to pick up my suitcase and head to the airport, he quickly pulls up at the flat. Or should have said Sam's flat but that didn't matter anymore because she was no longer here and it didn't feel like her flat now that she was gone. It was just a flat.

I grab my suitcase and my passport before I throw on a jacket. Leaving my phone behind because I need this time to greive on my own without anyone knowing where I am. It's a quick drive to the airport and I head over to the check in desk. 'Book me for whatever you got going out. I'm happy with anything' I tell the lady. 'Well we have a flight leaving for Syndey in the next hour, would you like that one?' the lady asks. I nod anything to get me away from Holby, after paying for my single flight to syndey. I'm off. And I have no intention of coming back.

**-A Year Later, Sam's annversiary-**

I didn't think for one moment that I would actually find myself here again but I reminded myself of the promise that I gave Sam that I would be here when it went a year since her death. I was hardly going to forget the day was i? I made my way to the grave yard. And I was surprised to see Fletch, Zoe, Jeff and Dixie. And Robyn and Rita all stood around Sam's grave.

'We're so glad you could make it Tom' Zoe said noticing me

'I wouldn't miss it for the world.' I reply.

'Of course you wouldn't, so would you like to do the honours?' Rita said and I noticed the bottle of wine in her hands.

'Arent you all supposed to be working?' I ask them confused.

'Nope. Today is remember Sam day, we get the day off' said Robyn,

'Really?' I ask and everyone nods. 'It was Zoe's idea after Sam passed away. She's very much missed by us all and so are you. Tom. Come back to holby' Robyn said.

'I can't. I'm sorry guys, it just wouldn't be right' I reply.

'But I will open that bottle of wine and celebrate with you of Sam's memory.' I tell them and they nod.

Its now been a year Sam. Amazing how time flies isnt it?. A year without you by my side but you know I've not stopped thinking about you at all. You're always in my thoughts. I love you darling. That's something that will never change.

We open the bottle of wine and we each pour ourselves a glass.

'To Sam' we all say as we raise our glasses and drink from it. After we've drank our drinks. I take the bottle out of Rita's hands and pour the remainders of the bottle all over her grave, just so Sam doesn't miss out before we all head back into town so we can all have a good old catch up. And they can hear about my travels.


End file.
